


love like oxygen

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Series: under 1k fic [12]
Category: Boy Meets World
Genre: Boy Meets World - Freeform, Childhood Sweethearts, M/M, POV Second Person, shawn hunter has feelings, shawn/cory - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 19:20:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5940205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>you'll put on a pot of coffee while he tells you about getting caught in a downpour and you'll say that you understand (he is your downpour, you are not enough to keep him dry). he'll assume you're only talking about the weather and you will not correct him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	love like oxygen

You'll be six years old when you dig into the earth with your fingernails until you find a treasure for him. His face will light up like the sun and you'll know that you're going to spend the rest of your life making this boy happy or die trying.

*****

On your eight birthday there will be no balloons or cake, no ice-cream or expensive toys. Only an empty home and bare cabinets. He'll take you to his house and gift you with one of his favorite toys, his mother will put a candle on a snack cake and you'll swear it's the best birthday you've ever had.

*****

When you're fourteen you'll put pen to paper and breathe life into (dating) stories you'd packed with hot air and 1% truth because he'll ask you what it feels like to properly kiss and you're no good with describing. You'll forget how to breathe when he tells you to show him - not with the pen, not with written word. You'll put up a fight at first in an attempt to pull the wool over his eyes but he'll taste the little white lie on your lips.

*****

At 4:45am on February 4th (four days since you left him in a seedy bar with a friend of your fathers) you'll dial his number just to hear a sleepy "Shawn is that you?" and regret will become your best friend, your lover, will become the bed you made yourself (you will lie in it). You'll wonder if the feeling of missing a vital limb will ever go away.

(you'll come back, you'll always come back to him)

*****

He'll promise you Vermont after graduation and you'll take him up on it. You'll spend two weeks snapping photographs (the sunset, the silhouette of his shadow, the two of you at popular tourist sites - arms around the other and big grins), having breakfast together every morning, camping out in a hotel room and vowing never to leave. When it's over reality will set back in and you'll feel like you were gutted.

*****

You will tell him to change, you _will._ Because college is a brand new beginning and you cannot find what you're looking for in the hollow of his neck or arms around your shoulders. You'll tell him that this is a chance to meet new people and he won't read between the lines - won't wonder why you're so adamant about this. He'll push you back to the beautiful girl who loves you and you'll wonder why it's easy for him to give you away (but you will love her, god will you ever love her).

You will lose her because you can't seem to tie yourself down to anyone but him - you will hate yourself for it.

*****

When you're twenty three you'll write and re-write a letter and cross out the words _I miss you something crazy_ no less than six times. He'll send you baby pictures of a child you hardly know and you'll swallow your feelings, will throw away the unsent letter and call him instead. You'll catch him up on your life and talk about anything just so you can hear his voice. You'll tell them that you're doing fine on your own. 

(he'll never know about the lonely nights and dreams that you cannot escape from)

*****

On your 25th birthday you'll wake up alone with the sun peaking through gray clouds, spilling through the curtains like warm honey and you'll remember how the colors of Autumn always seemed to conjure up memories you thought you'd forgotten. Your hands will recall the lightest touch against palms, lips will remember too many kisses from unfamiliar faces when all you ever wanted was his.

Your hair, his fingers

Your skin, his tight hugs

Your everything, his never-enough-

You'll hate yourself for it.

*****

On a Sunday morning with burnt pancakes and the doorbell buzzing you'll stub your toe on a kitchen chair and hobble to the door - he'll stand there with a thousand apologies on the tip of his tongue but the only words that will fall from his lips will be "I didn't try hard enough, I'm sorry." You'll put on a pot of coffee while he tells you about getting caught in a downpour and you'll say that you understand (he is your downpour, you are not enough to keep him dry). He'll assume you're only talking about the weather and you will not correct him.

You will wake up in a cold sweat and remember that he couldn't find you even if he tried, you made sure of that.

*****

When thirteen years have passed since you left them both in New York with a brand new baby (with sporadic visits, letters, photographs) she will ask you to come home. He will be waiting and you will feel whole again.

(you will kiss him softly and remember what it feels like to be cherished)


End file.
